


i still love him // songfic

by starzii



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, M/M, Songfic, Stagedorks, boyf riends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 20:47:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17393447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starzii/pseuds/starzii
Summary: Michael finds himself loving Jeremy too much.





	i still love him // songfic

~ And I remember when I met him, it was so clear that he was the only one for me. ~

Michael gazed over at Jeremy, the love struck look in his chocolate eyes that had been apparent for years glistening in the morning sun.   
I mean, who could blame him? The taller boy was charismatic. His icy blue eyes shot through Michael’s body and straight to his heart. There were something about those eyes that put Michael in a trance.   
If given the chance, Michael could run his fingers through Jeremy’s chestnut curls all day. His chestnut hair glistened in the sunlight, allowing a ginger color to highlight it.   
And his stutter. Oh, his stutter. That voice always managed to cheer Michael up. Jeremy would always sputter out sweet nothings when Michael was having a panic or anxiety attack.

 

~ We both knew it, right away. ~

Jeremy felt as if someone was watching him, so he slowly and nervously turned his head, only to meet Michael’s eyes.  
The two boys sat in awkward silence, gazing into each other’s eyes like a pair of lovebirds. Jeremy mustered up a chuckle, soon throwing the both of them into a giggle fit.

~ And as the years went on, things got more difficult - we were faced with more challenges. ~

“God, she’s so pretty.” Jeremy sputtered. “Look at her man, she’s like... The perfect person.”  
Michael simply nodded, turning a cold and blank gaze to the side. In the depths of his eyes, hurt shone like a sore thumb. But he couldn’t let Jeremy see that. Not right now. Not ever.  
“Michael? Hellooooo?”   
The hooded boy jumped in his seat, glancing back up to the pale boy looking back at him.  
“Dude, I’ve been saying your name. I was wondering if you wanted to go get slushees today?”  
“Yeah, sure man.”  
Jeremy let that signature smile spread across his face. Oh god, that smile. It was awkward, but it fit Jeremy perfectly. It slowly broke Michael.

~ I begged him to stay. Try to remember what we had at the beginning. ~

“You don’t have to do this, Jer.”  
Michael blurted as they came closer to the Payless. This “squip” or whatever sounded suspicious. I mean, what type of drug ISN’T on the internet? A type of drug to get you LAID? What the hell?  
“But it’s the only way to get Christine! I’ll do anything at this point.”  
Michael felt his heart tear in two. God, Jeremy really was in love with that girl.

~ He was charismatic, magnetic, electric and everybody knew it. ~ 

Ever since Jeremy took the squip, things have been... Different. How was he suddenly cool? Why did all the girls like him all of a sudden? Why was he ignoring Michael?  
“Whatever, I don’t need him anyways.” Michael mumbled, angrily crunching on a soggy fry, presented to you by shitty school food. 

~ When he walked in every woman's head turned, everyone stood up to talk to him.~ 

Jenna whispered to Rich, giggling a few times in her sentence. Michael picked that up pretty easily, but Jeremy didn’t even notice. What happened to the nervous boy that Jeremy once was? Right about now, Jeremy would be on the edge of freaking out that people were talking about him.  
Michael grumbled to himself, turning away as he pulled his headphones up. The familiar sound of Bob Marley’s voice flooding into his ears. It was “One love.” Wow, thanks universe.

~ He was like this hybrid, this mix of a man who couldn't contain himself. ~

The first time Jeremy managed to break Michael was in the school halls. Michael finally mustered up the courage to ask Jeremy why he was ignoring him. Yeah okay, Jeremy was cool and had a girlfriend now. So what? He could still talk to Michael, right?  
So here Michael was, standing in the middle of the hallway as Jeremy walked away.  
“Optic nerve blocking: on.”  
What did that mean? What was Jeremy doing?

~ I always got the sense that he became torn between being a good person and missing out on all of the opportunities that life could offer a man as magnificent as him. ~

The next time Jeremy broke him was in a bathroom. At a party. At JAKE DILLINGER’S party, only the most popular boy in school. Michael wouldn’t normally care about being made fun of, but without Jeremy there, it seemed like the end of the world.  
“Get out of my way,”   
The words played in his mind like a broken record. Before Michael could stop his mind from finishing the sentence, his mind decided to say “Fuck you” and do it anyways.  
“Loser.”

~ And in that way I understood him. And I loved him. ~

Michael sobbed, letting his body shake in the bathtub of Jake’s bathroom. He tried to be mad at Jeremy, but he couldn’t help but try to blame the pill. But inside, he knew the squip didn’t make Jeremy say that. It was off. Jeremy said it himself.

~ I loved him, I loved him, I loved him. ~

Smoke slithered it’s way under the door. Michael heard the screams, but didn’t bother to get up. He didn’t care anymore. If he died here, he’d finally be at peace. So he laid in the bathtub, letting the room slowly fill with toxic air.

~ And I still love him. ~

Michael was running out of air. But instead of making his escape, he kept his ground in the tub. Smoke curled around his figure as the airspace got smaller and smaller, suffocating him. He smiled, closing his eyes as he drew a final breath-

~ I love him. ~

Then the door slammed open.

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! it’s the author lol  
> Micha’s not actually dead, trust me  
> idk if I wanna make a sequel,,? comment what you want i guess  
> Jake’s the one who slams the door open  
> here to save the day woooooo  
> also the song is “I still love him” by Lana Del Ray


End file.
